The holidays are often painted as the most joyful time of year – full of family gatherings, traditions, laughter and celebration. But when you’re walking through infertility, the holidays can also feel complicated. They carry a different kind of weight.
What used to be simple moments – decorating the tree, sitting around the table, exchanging gifts – can stir up unexpected emotions. There’s the ache of what could have been, the reminders of another year passed without the baby you hoped for and the sting of well-meaning but painful questions like, “When will it be your turn?”
I’ve found that preparing your heart for the holidays is less about ignoring grief and more about giving myself permission to move through this season gently, in ways that honor both hope and the ache.
🌿 Acknowledge the Weight
The first step is admitting that the holidays are hard. Pretending otherwise only makes the pressure heavier. It’s okay to say, “This year feels different.” It’s okay to admit that certain traditions or gathering bring more sadness than joy/
Acknowledging the weight doesn’t mean you’re not grateful for what you do have. It just means you’re being honest with yourself – and that honesty can be freeing.
☕ Set Gentle Boundaries
One of the hardest parts of the holidays while TTC is the social pressure. Family gatherings, office parties, conversations with people you haven’t seen in months – all of it can open the door to questions you may not be ready to answer.
It’s okay to set boundaries:
- Say no to events that feel too heavy.
- Leave early if your heart needs rest.
- Prepare responses for common questions (“We’re trusting the timing” or “That’s something we’re keeping close to our hearts right now”).
Boundaries are not selfish – they’re a form of self-preservation.
🌸 Create New Traditions
When old traditions feel painful, making new ones can bring comfort. It might be something as simple as:
- A quiet holiday morning with coffee and music before the day begins.
- An evening walk to look at Christmas lights.
- Writing a gratitude list at the end of December, focusing on the small joys of the year.
New traditions remind us that joy can be created in unexpected ways.
🌙 Find Grounding Rituals
Infertility can make you feel unmoored, and the holidays amplify that. Simple rituals can help group you:
- Journaling in the morning before gatherings.
- Carrying a comfort item (like a bracelet, stone or small token) that you can hold when conversations get heavy.
- Practicing deep breathing before walking into a room filled with people.
These rituals are small, but they’re anchors in a season that can feel overwhelming.
🌱 Allow Both Grief and Joy
It’s important to remember that grief and joy can coexist. You can laugh with family and still ache inside. You can enjoy a holiday meal and still cry later that night. You can be happy for others’ growing families and still grieve your own longing.
Both belong. Both are real. And both deserve to be honored.
✨ Closing Reflection
If the holidays feel heavy this year, I want you to know you’re not alone. You don’t have fake joy or hide your pain. You’re heart matters – in its wholeness, in its brokenness, in its waiting.
This season may look different than you imagined, but that doesn’t mean it’s empty. Even here, in the tension of what is and what isn’t, you can prepare your heart gently, with compassion for yourself.
“You can grieve what you thought would be and still live with joy for what is.” – Morgan Harper Nichols